what is necessary is never unwise..
twenty days, forty five minutes and it was a sunday.
i was sipping a cup of happy thoughts and singing the ease of buzzy freedom.
i was at last liberated, off the loop i was in for the past few months.
the quest that never lead to a mystical end because at the beginning everything was just a game,
a game of hide and seek and my armors are of ancient finds and is immeasurable for use.
haha! too bad realizations reverberate again.
too bad, really really bad, it isn’t related to the scribbles I’ve had twenty days ago.
this one’s gloomy and unexpected. mocking as they put it.
but i have to bear it.
(whew! tightening the grip is never a piece of cake! :p)
you know i never admired being a tambay, until i knew i belong to that particular crowd.
at least for now i am. sometimes u have to belong to know how it was like to be at somebody’s position.
being a tambay isn’t just staying over with friends having senseless talks, eating ferociously and being on a bummer mode. it’s about planning, dreaming and making your day as productive as it can be. not as productive as u think it should but at least something more fun happened than staying alone somewhere and get overkilled by ennui. you might never want to feel that too, i tell u. it’s harder settling with boredom than dying.. haha!
yup yup.. it was dawn. a conversation over shadows with a glimpse and flashes of the bursting radiance from the streetlight adjacent to the lone home. only half of the story were just seen by my windows and it was dreamy. killing tedium was never this long and obnoxious thus leading to statements, statements to plans, plans to actions, actions to decisions, decisions to nothing then start again.
i was told to open myself up to the world, that i should break the walls and stop being too guarded.
that i should end the waiting, parameters shall be broken so everybody can break in, hence, taking note that I should only give what is needed and prompt depending on the situation and the person.. haha! maldita pa rin ba un? i guess so..
i replied asking questions, many of them we’re invalid because i was quite perturbed by the striking statements; that im afraid i wont be able to stand that pole and shout to the world that I need the one.
more so, it’s ironic after having that past ignition, i’ve been reminded that a perfect timing for that somebody will emerge as time is surpassing travel and hurdles. kkainis, both stance seems to be of good path but i need to cross one of the said markers and exhilarate myself to what may come.
now, i am checking out 60 approved friends and counting.
got digits to text with and read notifications of approval and gratefulness for being friends.
On Line friends, social site friends or whatever u may put it. ganun pla kabilis un..
they don’t even know me that much but now we’re friends. kkaexcite, kkatuwa, kkatakot at kkalungkot.
simple: after doing all of this, and currently still doing it. i discover me getting more weary and unaccompanied.
mas narealize q lng na wala aqng love life.sadder than i did before..
on the other side of the road, i am always going along with one thing: LOVE, real one, you never search or ask for it. it will come along and shall be willingly given, to the best one can accomplish and it should be valued inadvertently; for you may never know when it will open the gates, close doors, turn pages, build bridges and float courses. but for now, i chose to still do it. just for fun. being guided by prompt perceptions, hopes and wishes. (though sometimes false hopes, haha!) playing it like a petty game peo wla muna feelings, hopefully.
it’s just a ride, i have to enjoy it. ;p